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This post PAINS me to write. From the very bottom of my being I wanted for us to be a homeschooling family. I wanted to have what I read about on so many other blogs. I wanted to have what so many of my friends have. But the reality is, my family is not those families. And I am not those moms. Homeschooling for THIS family has been nothing but an uphill battle since day one, way back in August. We struggled to find a routine. We struggled with motivation. I struggled with not having enough hours in the day to accomplish all that needed to be done, despite lowering my expectations of myself and those around me. And from the beginning, my husband was never 100% on board. He let me have a go at homeschooling to see if it would work because he knew how much I wanted to do it. But whenever we had conversations about the future, he always talked about our kids being in school. I’m thankful that he let me try. But the bottom line is that it’s time for me to put my pride aside and stop pretending this is working, because it’s not. We are homeschool dropouts. Addison starts Kindergarten Monday morning at 9am.
I felt very compelled to share the struggles I have had with this all year long for a number of reasons, but mainly because I have a feeling there are other moms and other families who are in the same boat. You choose to homeschool because you feel it’s what you’re supposed to do to be a good mom…to be a true Christian mom…to educate your children in the way that God intended for them to be educated. I get that. And it all sounds really lovely. I’ve read all the books that made me feel like I was doing the right thing. I had visions in my mind of what homeschool could be like if only “such and such” were different. Or what it could be like in a few years. I had so many great ideas of the fun lessons we would do down the road, and all the fun books we would read together. But that was not my reality. My reality involved an uphill battle every single day to get our lessons done. School was not fun for Addison and it was not fun for me. No matter how many awesome lesson I came up with, no matter how many fun snacks I made to bribe her to do her work, no matter WHERE we did school, it was never fun for her. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. Kindergarten is supposed to be the most fun year of school a child has. Homeschooling may be God’s perfect plan for some families, but God did not intend for school to ruin the relationship between mother and daughter. And that is what is happening here. So we are homeschool dropouts.
I know some who are reading this are thinking, “Just don’t worry about it. It’s just Kindergarten. Keep her home and let her play.” But that is not going to fly in this house. My husband does not share that philosophy of homeschooling, and at this point, I’m not sure WHAT I believe anymore. So we are going to try school. It’s going to be the shock of a lifetime for this five year-old. She will be gone from 9:00 am-3:31 pm. But you know what? She’s excited to go. She is excited to learn with other kids and to do “centers” and to play at recess and to have art and music class. And I’m excited for her. I think she will thrive at school, despite the fact that this all goes completely against the rosy picture I had painted in my mind of what our elementary years would be like. Now that I’ve had a minute to process all of this, I feel a strange sense of peace about the situation…and quite frankly, a relief that the battle will be over.
So if you are the praying type, please say a prayer that this transition is as smooth as possible for all of us. And if you are also struggling with homeschooling, please know that you are not alone. Homeschooling is not for everyone. And not homeschooling doesn’t make you any less of a parent, or any less of a Christian. I hope that you will find encouragement from our family to make the decision to do what’s best for your child whether that means choosing homeschool or “regular” school.Share This Post!